Life Circle's Pt.1

My blogs have turned out to be my personal "Dear diary, I have an overthinking issue and this is my today's rant session."

Waste. Whatever.

The first part of this blog was written in October 2021 and now we are currently "surviving" February 2022, Aarya took a break because she got commitment-phobic. Haha.

No, John said the last one needed edits and then I got lazy. He is gonna hit me for this one. (Yup he won't even flinch)

Recently someone told me, “You don’t know what it feels like to be in love.” That got me thinking that in reality, I HAVE been feeling less of it. Well, When my life started becoming just like Ekta Kapoor's serial, episode number 64456. Binge-watching became my greatest savior from reality. It was unreal when I saw people living in stories that I only thought could be in my head.

At my most fragile time, I would remember to continue an episode to forget that I exist at all. This is not me just watching barbie and Alice in wonderland, this is also a murder mystery and geological documentary, which sometimes makes more sense than a real-life.

There are sad, tragic endings to stories that give me momentary peace phases, that mine is not the only story meant to end or proceed this way.

This Is Us became the only family I wanted to survive in and F R I E N D S, became the only ones who could make me laugh. Lucifer gave me the thought that "You live your hell on earth, and after death, it's just a cycle all over again.

Old rom-coms gave me hope to love, murder documentaries taught me that details are important, Disney movies made me believe that unreal things sometimes mean so much more than real, Marvel taught me strong can be emotional too, Harry Potter wanted me to believe in myself, and my list goes on...

I remember my first college project, was a character enactment where I chose to play Neerja. The very movie which gave me the dialogue, "Babumoshai Zindagi Badi Honi Chahiye Lambi Nai!".

Piku told me it was okay to be uptight, The Holiday showed me the importance of breaks from time to time, while How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days stills asks me to believe that you cannot push love for long...

Also, In other news.

Guess who tested covid for positive?

After two whole weeks of being alone in a room, and I lived my best life! More like my best with a hint of weakness.

Out of the numerous questions that arise, this one was my fav. "What to watch next?"

My mind could not leave the one pretty thing left in my head i.e Binge-watching and had to overthink. So for my books, I used to have these sentences or paragraphs highlighted, which from time to time I would dig up and read for some food for thought.

Idk.

I've developed the same habit while binge-watching as well.

The Vampire Diaries 5X11 where Alaric visits Damon, just for their last bourbon cheers.

In Friends where Rachel looks at everybody and says, "I have got magic beans".

Amidst this, while I was watching Modern Family 9X13, When Jay's lifelong nemesis dies and leaves him with a mind game about what to do with his ashes, he is irritated. The fact that somebody he thought is a part of his life is no more.

By the end of the episode, he ends up thinking to himself, "Like, live today as if there's no tomorrow that it's not too late to right past wrongs, and when things are looking down, look up or take chances you never imagined you would."

Umm, My coronatic brain, (Yes, I love making words) spent two days overthinking this.

What is the goal here? What am I aiming for? What am I doing?

Well for real, people leave unceremoniously, growing up is also realizing more every day that you cant rectify mistakes easily, but it's not impossible.

Though I keep cribbing about how I should take therapy it often scares me, that when the day comes, and I am on the other side of the couch, and when he/she asks why exactly are I on the couch and I won't have anything to say.

It's a traumatic response, to mistake trauma for life lessons. But this really can't be an answer.

Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I should get that tattoo, I should go out more often, and I can throw people out of life (Do not try this at home ) lol, jk.

No, but seriously, being proud of your actions and being proud of results are two different things and life means lessons. Some days it's about the JOURNEY and not the goal, and some days the goal is what keeps you going. The mountains that were supposed to climb, sometimes we end up carrying it and when one realizes life is temporary, patience becomes easier.

Until Next time,

XOXO, Aarya.